I am in LOVE!!!

I'm in deep. My feelings of love and desire are growing greater everyday, intensifying with each interaction. Sometimes my heart seizes upon sight and I am rendered speechless, overwhelmed with awe and amazement coupled with humility and the understanding I am in love with one from a higher social status than I...it is a classic fairytale romance and I am the lowly servant girl in love with the dashingly handsome...Chevy Trail Blazer.

Yep, it's pretty bad. Nate will testify to it...I am CONSTANTLY watching for them as we drive down the road, plastering my face to the window when I see one and staring after it until it is out of sight. It's rediculous, really, but I'm being completely honest here. I love them. I want one. I dream of them day and night and spend time thinking how I could possibly ever afford one.

Naturally, this would all worsen during this current time of financial stress. I'm not writing this to evoke feelings of sympathy from you, trying to woo you into sending us a sizeable check. I am just making the statement that Satan in not wasting his opportunity to try to convince me that what I can't have is better than everything I do have...for sure not a new tactic. Just call me Eve, huh?

Anyway, this morning in my devotions I was reading through the Psalms and the end of the 27th caught my heart (it usually does...that's why it's underlined in my Bible): "Wait for the Lord; be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord." It sounds so poetic and romantic and it just stirs up this sense of strength and loyalty in my mind...but my heart has trouble following suit. I still worry. I lose sleep at night wondering why getting a job is taking so freaking long, how much longer we can go on what we saved up from the summer, how I can cut back in our grocery bill and other sacrifices we can make...I don't think there is anything wrong with those thoughts specifically; it is the attitude behind them that is wrong. It's not trusting. It's not being strong or taking heart or waiting patiently. It's not being content in any and every situation. It's not in line with a host of other Biblical principles, which ought to be sending up red flags of concern rather than green streaks of envy.

I confess I do not like being in this spot. I feel like I shouldn't have to be struggling financially right now. I've always managed my money well so I wouldn't have to be in this place, yet here I am. I feel cheated out of a "better life," whatever that is supposed to mean, and like it is asking too much of me to put me through this right now. I am such a weenie! I KNOW these times are meant to deepen my walk with the Father and that because I am His child, everything that happens in my life He will use for good, but I still struggle to walk through it with a good attitude. I still want the Trail Blazer I can't afford because there are other stupid bills to pay.

By the way, according to Kelly Blue Book, a 2002 model (the first model out) in decent condition with 100,000 miles on it is going for about $14,000 right now. You may make your checks out for any ammount. :)