I have been spending some time blog-hopping lately, catching up on friends, family, acquaintences, people I met once, and people I've never met. It's been nice to capture little glimpses of lives I'm not really a part of...it's really neat to see where people end up and what they find to do with their lives!
One common theme I have run into over and over again in all my blog travels is BABIES. Everyone is having them. Some people have already had them and are still having more, and those who haven't had them are at least talking about having them, or are talking about other peoples' babies and wistfully commenting on the "someday" when they will have their own babies.
So I read these blogs and I look at the pictures and everyone looks so happy, even the pregnant people. These people are all so thrilled with their children and are excited to have more and the moms are loving being moms and the dads are just beaming with pride; they are taking family vacations to Disney World and are buying sippy cups and first sets of utensils and "manly" diaper bags...and it all strikes me as so odd because at the mere mention of the word "babies," I have the exact opposite reaction. I shrink back on the inside and the pit of my stomach drops somewhere into my legs; I almost feel nervous...even fearful, perhaps. And it's not that I don't think I could be a good mom or that I worry about Nate's parenting skills...this is not an issue of the ability to parent. It's the whole idea of having them around. It's the realizing all the things I wouldn't be able to do anymore, or that would at least be more difficult to do. It's worrying about gaining weight. It's being protective of my sleep and my time to spend with Nate and just plain feeling like I could not handle having someone who needed so much from me so much of the time.
And I sit there, looking at the pictures, wondering if there is something wrong with me for not wanting to have kids. Everyone else seems to be enjoying it, and most of them keep telling me we will enjoy it too and we should try it. Seems like sort of a serious thing to just "try it." I have really enjoyed most of the kids I have baby-sat...specifically Jenna and Todd. They were highlights for sure. :) But I also really enjoyed when their parents came home and I went on with my life. I don't know if I could be as excited about spending time with them if it never ended, and certainly parenting is a 24/7 deal.
I'm just not sure what to make of all of this.
1 comment:
I feel the same way...I couldn't imagine having kids right now for the same reasons you sight. Kids are a huge responsibility! There's a lot more I could say, but then I'd be writing a comment just as long as your blog entry :).
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