Be Still My Soul

Was moved by the truth in this hymn this morning....

Be still, my soul! the Lord is on thy side;
Bear patiently the cross of grief or pain;
Leave to thy God to order and provide;
In every change, He faithful will remain.
Be still, my soul! thy best, thy heavenly friend
through thorny ways leads to a joyful end.

Be still, my soul! thy God doth undertake
to guide the future as He has the past.
Thy hope, thy confidence let nothing shake;
All now mysterious shall be bright at last.
Be still, my soul! the waves and winds still know
His voice who ruled them while He dwelt below.

Apple Pie?

Due to a great deal that I couldn't pass up, I now have approximately 2 bushels of apples (that means a lot of apples) that I need to use up very soon. I don't have much experience in knowing which recipes freeze well and which don't, so I need some help. If anyone has a great apple pie recipe that can be frozen after it is baked, please pass it along! Either leave it in a comment or e-mail it. Thank you! :)

Power of Prayer

Maria gets the feeling on Thursday morning like she needs to hit the floor with her knees, that God is urging her to prayer. Maria had planned to attend an aerobics class at the gym before work. Weighing the two options, Maria decides she will just pray in the car on the way to the aerobics class. Maria later learns of an event that occured on Thursday that had a rather undesirable outcome. Maria is stuck wondering if she would have prayed, if things would have turned out differently. If she could have stopped the yucky from coming.

I believe in the power of prayer, I really do. Which is why I can't get over the thought that I could have done something. Could I have fought off the enemy and avoided the current circumstances? The situation, technically, is not my fault, but if it could have been avoided had I done what I was supposed to, that does make me partially responsible for the way things are now.

What do I do with this?

Sometimes it bothers me that people tend to comment more on the pointless or strictly-for-entertainment blog entries...not just mine, but all across the board...but they remain unnervingly quiet on the more in-depth and/or controversial blogs. Anytime people write about a certain stand they are taking or Biblical truths they are grasping and/or struggling with and/or feel deeply about, the "comments" section is pathetically empty.

I am guilty of being a non-commenter on the deeper blog entries. Sometimes I disagree with the post and am afraid to voice my opinion, sometimes I agree and just find it redundant to comment about it, and sometimes, I will confess, I do not comment because I have skipped over that particular entry, feeling like it was going to take too much work to read the whole thing and think through it.

I would guess that many people have these same feelings, and that drives me crazy. It is so frustrating to walk around needing depth in my life and have conversations with people who are feeling the same loss, yet when we are actually confronted with depth, we avoid it. Because it is safer. Easier.

Grrr.

Sometimes you just want to do this:

You know, stick your fingers in your ears, make a scary face, and lean way out over the wall of a humongous cathedral.

(This was taken by Nate at the National Cathedral in Washington, DC. More info later on exactly what we were doing taking pictures of gargoyles on the rooftop of a cathedral in DC.)

God's Gym

Do you ever get the feeling that you are a twinkie in a sea of rice cakes? That sharp, clear understanding that you definitely do not blend well with your current surroundings? That you stand out like a white guy on an NBA team?

I grew up in the church and have had Scripture quoted to me, reminding me that I am not of this world, and the world will reject me because I am Christ's and they rejected Him first...it is one thing to hear that and quite another to actually experience it. For those of you who don't already know, I started working at our local Gold's Gym last month (making my twinkie analogy all the more fitting), and in the past 30 days I have felt the difference between me and the world more intensely than I have ever felt it before.

Lots of the women I work with tan frequently, have perfect hair, have perfectly toned bodies, and have had breast implants. They look terrific and I am not condeming or judging them for these things in anyway...I am just way more aware of my white hind end that has never seen the light of day, my haircut that is not exactly what I had wanted, my not-so-toned areas and my small womanly curves. Some days I walk into work and just wish I could get through the day without anyone seeing me because I feel so frumpy next to these other women.

But my not fitting in goes way deeper than looks. It is painfully obvious that my priorities/morals/choices are in stark contrast to those of my co-workers. I work with gay people who often share details of their private life; I work with people who come in Monday and exchange drinking stories from the weekend; I work with people who are not married but are living together; I work with people who are not married or living together but are having sex; I work with guys who stand around my front desk area and talk about other women, make sexual jokes and/or comments that though not directed at me, often make me wish my small features were even smaller because I can't stand the thought of what they might be saying when I'm not around.

Yes, I know that the fact that these things shock me so much points out how sheltered I am. I know that this is how the world is now and that this work environment is not unlike any other. I know that I should just get over it and accept that these things are part of men/life. Or should I? Shouldn't I be bothered by some of these things? Just by reading the Scriptures, it is clear that God does not approve of anything I just mentioned, so why should I?

The working out of how to be in this world but not of it has been an area of slow growth for me. I really love the people I work with and truly enjoy them time I spend with them. It is just hard to know how to love and support the person but not love and support the actions, all the while trying to keep my light out from under a bushel but avoiding burning the place down with words of fire and brimstone.

Often when I am typing "Gold's Gym" I will miss the "l" and type "God's Gym." While I do think the "L" key is in an awkward place, I also think God is reminding me that it is, ultimately, His gym; that He loves those people, too, and that He has plans for them and wants them to come to Him as much as He loves you or I and wanted us to come to Him. I am both honored and humbled at the thought that He might want to use me to reach some of them...like Moses, I am tempted to think up some excuse to avoid opening my mouth to my co-workers ("Lord, I can't speak to these people! I have small boobs!"), but I am trying to remain open and willing.

If you think of it, pray for the people at God's Gym this week.

Quiet Time

I seem to go through quiet times every couple of months. Not "quiet time" as in reference to the pace of life or the state of my emotions, but "quiet time" as in I just have nothing to say. No, it's not even that...it's that I can't find the right words to accurately express what is happening on the inside. I don't write much during these times, and I seem to speak less and process more. I know I am in another one of these times when, as Nate and I lay in dark silence at night, he asks, "What is wrong?", and continued dark silence is his answer. I can't say, "Nothing," because I am thinking while nothing is really wrong, something does not feel right. But I don't know what is unright, so neither can I explain it...I just lay there wanting to say something but feeling like my mouth has forgotten how to work, or like if I did open it, a whole stream of nothing that made sense would come out.

I am in one of those times (as you might have guessed from over a month of not posting). Just a lot of processing and sorting things out. We just got back from a few days visitng family in Texas, and that was such a wonderful, fabulous time of refreshment, but it was also a very educational experience for me and I feel like God gave me a whole dose of raw material in that trip that He is going to slowly mold and shape and work out in me over the next couple of months. I wish I could explain it better, but it is all so vague, even to me. It is just a sense that He is going to use what He showed me there to change who I am.

Just to brighten things up a little bit, here are some pictures from Texas, compliments of Uncle Ken. Unfortunately, we didn't get many shots with family, but we did get a couple. The first is Nate's cousin Tate (yep, that was confusing to some of the smaller kids) and his son Davis. Then obviously that's me and Nate in a hat store...I think I am a Western girl by nature, but Nate doesn't pull of the black Stetson very well. We will work on that. The last one is a group shot of all of the Texas family...just kidding. It is a picture of some Longhorns we saw at the Stockyards in Fort Worth. That one bull does look a lot like Uncle Ken, though...