I guess it happens to everyone at some point...maybe women are just more aware of it than men...but I don't think anyone is ever really prepared for it.
I'm talking about that single moment in which you look in the mirror and don't recognize the person looking back. I had that moment just now, in the bathroom of the nursing building. I looked up from washing my hands (while singing Happy Birthday, to make sure I washed long enough...I'm such a dork) and was almost frightened by the reflection. Bags under my eyes, lines in places that didn't used to have lines, a deer-in-the-headlights look in my eyes, and really poorly-styled hair that needs a good cut. This semester has really taken a toll on me, I guess. It's a good thing that nursing school is preparing me to make good money because I'm going to need it to start doing more self-maintenance.
I just handed in an essay that will count for a good chunk of my grade for the summer. I have to say, while everyone else has been freaking out about having to write a 5-page paper (which is NOT a big deal), and making sure their APA format is correct, I actually really enjoyed the assignment. The topic of the paper was not one I would have chosen myself, but the task of writing is one that I know I can complete...I am confident in my ability to write, especially when I have time to draft and revise. The essay was probably one of the first assignments this summer that I actually felt certain I could and would earn a good grade on. It is nice to finally find a piece of nursing school I know I can do well.
I'm almost done for the summer...one more week, and then I have a few weeks of vacation to relax, recoup, and re-energize. "I think I can, I think I can, I think I can," said the little blue engine...
July 30, 2008
July 22, 2008
Tired
The summer semester is winding down...finally. My last skills mastery test will be on July 31, and then my last final is August 6. One of my classmates emailed recently with the comment, "Does anyone else wish that today was August 7???!?!"
One of my professors had mercy on us last week and condensed material so we would have an extra day off this week, which was yesterday. Not much of a day off, really, because while we weren't in class as much, we had more homework to even it out. I woke up this morning, after sleeping for 10 hours, still feeling really tired. I realized it's the kind of tired that isn't going to go away with a day off or extra sleep or anything...it's being tired of having things to do always hanging over my head and having no relief from huge stressors (the skills masteries just freak me out...I start shaking about two days beforehand and can't eat until about 5 hours after it's all over...assuming I've passed...). As soon as you wrap up one, there is another one looming on the horizon.
Every morning I tell myself, "You just have to get through today. Just this one day." And I make it. And start all over again the next morning. It's getting old.
I really need an end. I wish today was August 7.
One of my professors had mercy on us last week and condensed material so we would have an extra day off this week, which was yesterday. Not much of a day off, really, because while we weren't in class as much, we had more homework to even it out. I woke up this morning, after sleeping for 10 hours, still feeling really tired. I realized it's the kind of tired that isn't going to go away with a day off or extra sleep or anything...it's being tired of having things to do always hanging over my head and having no relief from huge stressors (the skills masteries just freak me out...I start shaking about two days beforehand and can't eat until about 5 hours after it's all over...assuming I've passed...). As soon as you wrap up one, there is another one looming on the horizon.
Every morning I tell myself, "You just have to get through today. Just this one day." And I make it. And start all over again the next morning. It's getting old.
I really need an end. I wish today was August 7.
July 12, 2008
Zipping right along...
What a crazy time! We spent our 4th of July weekend moving across the metroplex to a fun little duplex...it is a great place with a big yard for Jasper and so much more space inside than our old apartment. Plus it is not on the third floor. I can't tell you how appreciative I am of that fact when Jasper needs to pee at 3am.
We are pretty much settled in now with just a few random items still needing a place (or a trashcan). Moving in really takes a long time when life outside of the move doesn't slow down. School keeps rapidly firing the work at me, and Nate's duties at his job actually increased right about the time we moved, making more demands on his time and energy...so the fact that we don't still have rooms full of unpacked boxes is pretty significant.
This past Wednesday marked the beginning of a new 5-week summer semester for me, and after only one day (and several hours of reading assignments), I feel like I have a renewed spirit about this whole pursuit of a nursing degree. Up to this point I've become increasingly down-trodden, feeling crushed by the workload and discouraged about the difference between my picture of the nursing world and the reality that I've been observing in the hospitals. Without knowing it, my scope of vision had been slowing narrowing until I was only thinking of nursing in terms of a list of skills I needed to master (quickly!) and an extensive list of dos and don'ts for every shift. Not very inspiring or encouraging. I had lost sight of the bigger picture: the place of a nurse in society, the significant role the nurse has played in history, the overarching goals and priorities of nursing, and the general sense of pride a nurse can take in her/his work: knowing it is an act of service done for the betterment of a single patient, and therefore of all mankind.
I just finished reading an article in the American Journal of Nursing by L.L. Dock and am feeling very inspired by her words. She wrote about our duty to continually be advocating for the fair treatment of everyone, not just ourselves, fellow workers, and patients...like our role as nurses expands far beyond the hospital or clinic we work in, reaching out into other professions and into society in general. For example, she wrote that a newspaper had printed an article comparing the grossly underpaid teaching profession to the nursing field. She chided the nurses who had responded to the article by pointing out the inherent dangers of the nurse's work as justification for the salary difference, saying they should instead have used the opportunity to advocate for the teachers and say, "Yes, they are underpaid! We should do something about it!" The general tone of the article was just so...noble, I guess. The way she wrote about the work of the nurse...to be associated with an emerging profession that is generally aimed at helping, encouraging, uplifting and supporting people rather than doing whatever it takes to scramble up the proverbial professional ladder first creates such a sense of fulfillment for me. Not that I am above scrambling up the ladder, but that my profession expects me to be. Even though she wrote the article in 1913, I feel like her words are as relevant today as they were the day she penned them.
I have so much work to do today...I've got to get back at it. I just couldn't help taking a few minutes to (for the first time since I started nursing school) vent the pride I take in my line of work.
We are pretty much settled in now with just a few random items still needing a place (or a trashcan). Moving in really takes a long time when life outside of the move doesn't slow down. School keeps rapidly firing the work at me, and Nate's duties at his job actually increased right about the time we moved, making more demands on his time and energy...so the fact that we don't still have rooms full of unpacked boxes is pretty significant.
This past Wednesday marked the beginning of a new 5-week summer semester for me, and after only one day (and several hours of reading assignments), I feel like I have a renewed spirit about this whole pursuit of a nursing degree. Up to this point I've become increasingly down-trodden, feeling crushed by the workload and discouraged about the difference between my picture of the nursing world and the reality that I've been observing in the hospitals. Without knowing it, my scope of vision had been slowing narrowing until I was only thinking of nursing in terms of a list of skills I needed to master (quickly!) and an extensive list of dos and don'ts for every shift. Not very inspiring or encouraging. I had lost sight of the bigger picture: the place of a nurse in society, the significant role the nurse has played in history, the overarching goals and priorities of nursing, and the general sense of pride a nurse can take in her/his work: knowing it is an act of service done for the betterment of a single patient, and therefore of all mankind.
I just finished reading an article in the American Journal of Nursing by L.L. Dock and am feeling very inspired by her words. She wrote about our duty to continually be advocating for the fair treatment of everyone, not just ourselves, fellow workers, and patients...like our role as nurses expands far beyond the hospital or clinic we work in, reaching out into other professions and into society in general. For example, she wrote that a newspaper had printed an article comparing the grossly underpaid teaching profession to the nursing field. She chided the nurses who had responded to the article by pointing out the inherent dangers of the nurse's work as justification for the salary difference, saying they should instead have used the opportunity to advocate for the teachers and say, "Yes, they are underpaid! We should do something about it!" The general tone of the article was just so...noble, I guess. The way she wrote about the work of the nurse...to be associated with an emerging profession that is generally aimed at helping, encouraging, uplifting and supporting people rather than doing whatever it takes to scramble up the proverbial professional ladder first creates such a sense of fulfillment for me. Not that I am above scrambling up the ladder, but that my profession expects me to be. Even though she wrote the article in 1913, I feel like her words are as relevant today as they were the day she penned them.
I have so much work to do today...I've got to get back at it. I just couldn't help taking a few minutes to (for the first time since I started nursing school) vent the pride I take in my line of work.
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