August 28, 2006

Quiet Time




I seem to go through quiet times every couple of months. Not "quiet time" as in reference to the pace of life or the state of my emotions, but "quiet time" as in I just have nothing to say. No, it's not even that...it's that I can't find the right words to accurately express what is happening on the inside. I don't write much during these times, and I seem to speak less and process more. I know I am in another one of these times when, as Nate and I lay in dark silence at night, he asks, "What is wrong?", and continued dark silence is his answer. I can't say, "Nothing," because I am thinking while nothing is really wrong, something does not feel right. But I don't know what is unright, so neither can I explain it...I just lay there wanting to say something but feeling like my mouth has forgotten how to work, or like if I did open it, a whole stream of nothing that made sense would come out.

I am in one of those times (as you might have guessed from over a month of not posting). Just a lot of processing and sorting things out. We just got back from a few days visitng family in Texas, and that was such a wonderful, fabulous time of refreshment, but it was also a very educational experience for me and I feel like God gave me a whole dose of raw material in that trip that He is going to slowly mold and shape and work out in me over the next couple of months. I wish I could explain it better, but it is all so vague, even to me. It is just a sense that He is going to use what He showed me there to change who I am.

Just to brighten things up a little bit, here are some pictures from Texas, compliments of Uncle Ken. Unfortunately, we didn't get many shots with family, but we did get a couple. The first is Nate's cousin Tate (yep, that was confusing to some of the smaller kids) and his son Davis. Then obviously that's me and Nate in a hat store...I think I am a Western girl by nature, but Nate doesn't pull of the black Stetson very well. We will work on that. The last one is a group shot of all of the Texas family...just kidding. It is a picture of some Longhorns we saw at the Stockyards in Fort Worth. That one bull does look a lot like Uncle Ken, though...

3 comments:

Amy said...

Maria, you and I are such kindred spirits. I could have written this line:

"I can't say, 'Nothing,' because I am thinking while nothing is really wrong, something does not feel right. But I don't know what is unright, so neither can I explain it"

I'm confident God is going to improve on what's ALREADY beautiful with all that new raw material! And I can't wait to see you in LESS THAN A WEEK! love you :)

B,P,R,S & L said...

Maria, good to hear what's going on with you. I've been reading your blog for a few months and it's been neat to see what God's been doing.
Paula (Helwig) Fannin
I was in Chorale with you your freshman year, but then I did student teaching.

Nate said...

Yes, Paula, I remember you! I've been reading your blog now and then as well...isn't it neat to see where we all end up after Chorale? :) Thanks for the note!